My Crohn's Diaries

For the first time since my diagnosis, I have no signs of inflammation or disease activity! I’m calling it a hesitant remission because I don’t want to spook it.

I had a follow-up abdominal ultrasound and blood work recently and, for the first time in years, all of it came back normal! Hooray!

I’m still cautious. I’m being careful not to miss a dose of my medications. I may be overdoing it on drinking too much espresso and not meal prepping quite as much, but I’m still mindful. Mindful of exercising and eating mostly right and getting my sleep at night.

But I feel good! I feel really good. It’s such a relief to get the all clear, after multiple years and meds and grief. It’s hard to believe it, almost. It’s hard to not wonder when it’ll end. When the symptoms will creep back up. When it’ll be back to square one again.

But I think I spend too much time looking for that and not enough time enjoying that it’s not here right now. I’m alive, and I’m feeling good, and the sun is out, and a little kitty is snuggled up next to me, and I’m drinking a coffee in the afternoon, and I’m thinking about what to have for dinner, and maybe more importantly dessert, and I’m packing for vacation, and seeing the breeze rustle the trees out my window where the birds come and go much to my cat’s delight, and none of those thoughts are hindered by my illness just now. Just in this moment.

One day they will be. They have been before. They will be again. It’s not an if but a when. But today, I am just trying to enjoy the warmth and the sunlight and the freedom that you don’t recognize until it’s taken from you that comes with being healthy today.